Limit break

I think I must have reached my plateau.

For today, I went numb for some reason. Not physically numb but mentally and emotionally numb. I felt nothing for the whole day. Not a single feeling.

I just sat there playing DOTA the whole day and sleeping the day away. For that moment, I did not feel a thing at all. Just ceaselessly punching the keyboards and pawning away. My brain seems to be automatically programmed to the game and I did not even have to think much to play.

I must have reached the plateau.

No feeling. Cold and calculated.

I watched WTC yesterday. It was highly emotional but I did not cry. I wonder if I have become cold and hard as the alligator's skin, impenetrable. Unable to break down and emote normally. Have I turned brutal and heartless or is it just a defense mechanism to prevent myself from getting hurt?

The coldness scares me. That an emotional person could become so cold and rigid is beyond my comprehension. And the thought of me not being able to comprehend things scares me.